Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Time Has Come

Hey! Remember when I had cancer? Boy, that sure was the pits. Poopy, in fact. Stupid cancer; that's what you get for fucking with me!

It's been a week. More, actually: it's been a week and four days. That's a week and a half completely free of The Cancer, which is a lot longer than it's been for nearly a year. Crazy, man. You know what we should do? We should party. Yeah, it's time for us to party. So...


Saturday, March 19, 2011
Robbie's place in Cleveland, OH
8:00pm - whenever you leave

Come for the fish, stay for the freak.

It's a little sad that I've been planning this here blog post since I was first had my biopsy, but I didn't come up with anything better than that. I think you get the point, though, smart cancer blog readers. You can RSVP for this event by emailing me or hitting the Facebook page here. Not that you have to RSVP, but that might be the only way you get the address.

Food for thought: I just killed cancer. You should come over and drink to me.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Fierce Adventures of Nanomachine in the 4th Dimension: A Slapstick Comedy

Last Friday was a PET scan. Know what a PET scan is? It's a positron emission tomography scan, dummy. For the sake of it, I'll let you read the Wikipedia definition (which is always true):

Positron emission tomography (PET) is a nuclear medicine imaging technique which produces a three-dimensional image or picture of functional processes in the body. The system detects pairs of gamma rays emitted indirectly by a positron-emitting radionuclide (tracer), which is introduced into the body on a biologically active molecule. Images of tracer concentration in 3-dimensional or 4-dimensional space (the 4th dimension being time) within the body are then reconstructed by computer analysis. In modern scanners, this reconstruction is often accomplished with the aid of a CT X-ray scan performed on the patient during the same session, in the same machine.

What's essential to you:
  • This thing takes pictures of your body in sort of three-dimensional way. Meaning, they make an image of your innards to see what's wrong with you. The future is now.
  • They inject a small tracer molecule into your body that emits positrons (which is how the image is generated). Since these positrons detect gamma rays, it is safe to say that I am not the Incredible Hulk (as previously speculated) because I just don't have the gamma juice in me, man.
  • On the flip side, by injecting me with these positrons, I am pumped full of -in my mind- hyper-intelligent nanomachines. Since this isn't my first (nor will it be my last) PET scan, you wouldn't be too far off if you were to infer that they are making a super soldier out of me, one injection of nanomachines at a time.
  • My logic is sound. Always.
  • The 4th-dimension is time. IT MEASURES TIME. Go ahead and run with that.
  • The one I had on Friday will tell me if I killed cancer or not. After four months of chemotherapy, three weeks of radiation, lots of sitting around and waiting, a little bit of stress, a lot of vomit, and a well-choreographed dance sequence set behind the backdrop of the Japanese occupation of Shanghai, I'm finally going to know the truth. It's going to be like the ending The Usual Suspects. More importantly...
It's like spin kicking a possibly terminal medical condition in the face.

This Thursday, I get results from my kindly English doctor (whom I may start referring to as Dr. Light). You better check back. It's gonna be a scene, man.